Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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