The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
