I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
