and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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