At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
