Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
