**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
