Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
