I'm eating all of the evidence.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I love having hate sex.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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