I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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