Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
