But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
