i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
