Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
