Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
