New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
