You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize