Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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