i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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