I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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