Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
