The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
