On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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