Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
