In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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