the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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