roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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