can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize