She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
