Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Mom said you looked used
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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