I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
