I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
