how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
