call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
