There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
