just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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