You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
