when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
