I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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