Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
