alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
