It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It's shark week go big or go home
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
