I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
