Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
