New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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