what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize