About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
