I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
