she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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