Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
