tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
