Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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