Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
