Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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