the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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