dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
