thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
