I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
