I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
false alarm. still invincible.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
