ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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