i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
