Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
