So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
this beer tastes like vomit already
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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