what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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