how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
