I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
