I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
