Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
